"Why don't you want to graduate?"
I've been asked this so many times by my friends and peers. It's actually a bit ridiculous. Perhaps even more ridiculous is the fact that I haven't given anyone a straight answer. The only response I have is "oh, I just don't want to." Not even witty, but just a childish response to a perfectly valid question. Truth is, I don't really want to let anyone know how I feel. I feel weird pouring out my heart out (is this an expression that people use?) to people I know in real life. And that's why I don't. And that's why I write about it online instead. Because I'm a chicken.
So I guess here's why. I know that once I graduate, I won't be seeing half of these people ever again. These are people that I've seen pretty much every day for the past 5 years. FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE. That's over a quarter of my life! Insane, eh? Oh, plus people in other grades too.
But mostly, I'm afraid that I won't stay close with people who I've fostered friendships with. I'm pretty much going to be alone in university. As selfish as this is, I don't want them to make friends. I want to stay friends with them and I know this won't happen if they make friends in post-secondary. I don't even talk to most of my friends outside of school so how am I supposed to maintain a relationship without any contact.
The weather that Metro Vancouver has been receiving is absolutely ridiculous. 25 or 26° C in the beginning of May? Crazy! It's been sunny for a few days already, and it's supposed to be sunny all week. I'm so not used to it... Such un-Vancouver-like weather, although I'm not complaining at all.
I love it when it's sunny. I just feel like everyone's in a better mood. I love going outside during lunch on sunny days with my friends. Today, the fields were filled with tons of people. It was a beautiful sight. I think just hanging out at "the pit" (what my friends named the parking lot area we hang out at... this sounds really shady, but it's not) on sunny days is going to be one of the things I will miss when I graduate. Then again, I'll probably miss every single thing.
At the end of this month, I'll be attending my school's commencement ceremony and the grad dinner dance (which is pretty much like prom, I think). It's absolutely insane to think about the fact that there's only a little more than a month of school left. I can still remember the first day of grade 8, and now here I am... Weird. I don't like talking about graduating or the future with any of my friends because it's weird to think about. I mean, I probably won't end up staying friends with a lot of people and that's pretty sad to think about. Plus I'm not ready. A lot of my friends aren't ready either, so I guess we just pretend like it's not happening at all.
And it's fairly obvious that I'm writing this at night when my thoughts get all weird and gross. Late night worries are fun, eh?